MissConfused,
You are discovering that the "truth" taught by the Watchtower is not the truth at all but a cleverly packaged bundle of lies. Their "truth" makes you a slave of the organization, it has nothing to do with freedom. Freedom of mind comes from exploring different ways of thinking and getting a well-rounded education. There is no free will as a Jehovah's Witness, only following the will of the vacillating governing body.
You are right. Love from the Witnesses is absolutely conditional. As soon as they get a whiff that you are having doubts they will kick you to the curb. I hope you have kept a relationship with your family and have made friends with non JWs, those who will not judge you on what you believe or don't believe. Keep posting and reading here. There are a few converts like myself who were recruited, but unlike you I was in for 38 years and raised a family in the organization before waking up.
If you haven't already please check out jwfacts.com.
Best wishes to you and welcome to the forum.
Reopened Mind